SUMOskinny magazine is the ultimate guide to college life. Part local, part national, and all college.
Some people out there will argue that social networking sites have led this generation of adolescents to feel less fulfilled than generations before, as Facebook and Twitter allow them to construct fraudulent shells of lives that they wish they could lead but cannot actually realize. Those people are just jealous of how fun your life is—or, how fun your life appears to be anyway. Here’s how to convince everyone that your social life is a wild, lively rumpus of hilarity, even if your social calendar is about as action-packed as a shuffleboard court:
Do not let an event pass undocumented
If one attends a party and doesn’t end the night with at least one new mupload on Facebook of him or her smiling and clutching a solo cup, then did the party really happen? Don’t let a single social gathering, lunch date at Panera, or even a spontaneous trip to CVS with your BFF go by without photographic proof of what a wild/hilarious/fantastic time you had/want to convince others you had. Caption your friends/faux friends in odd and inexplicable poses and caption everything with “You had to be there LOL.”
Shroud everything you do in an aura of mystery
Allude to all the wacky fun you’ve been having in a manner that is simultaneously obvert and elusive. Write on your BFF’s wall to say, “Can’t believe we let those guys in the cowboy hats buy us all those drinks last nite! OMG we’re insane!” Tweet vaguely about your pounding headache and how you’re never drinking again (until tonight!!!) Make it unambiguous that you ingested illicit substances the night before in some context and ended up having madcap adventures and making questionable decisions without ever really coming out and saying what your plans entailed.
Constantly fortify your cybernetic connections
Never let the last post on your Facebook wall be from more than a week before. Regularly write on other’s walls and tweet at your followers, favorably in order to refer to some social event you both attended. Write to that person you haven’t spoken to since high school but happened to run into this weekend, “So good seeing you at The Tavern on Friday! We gotta grab coffee and catch up some more soon xoxo!” This plethora of wall posts and tweets will then earn you just as many in return, filling up your wall with empty agreements to text you to make plans.
Follow these steps, and you might even be able to convince yourself that you’re fulfilled with your life!
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