Texting: it’s efficient, convenient, and creates yet another way for you to escape anxiety-provoking and potentially uncomfortable real-life human interaction. However, just with everything sacred in life, there are rules one must abide by in order not to exploit or misuse this consecrated tool. Here is the ten cardinal rules successful text messaging: 

1. Thou shalt not double text 

Nothing screams desperation/leads to a restraining order quite like following up your unanswered inquiry as to what your love interest is up to tonight with a hapless suggestion that the two of you “hang” later.

2. Thou shalt not resend a text

If you’re wondering whether your love interest actually received your text asking what he or she ended up doing last night or if your message somehow went technologically adrift in the freaky cybernetic universe, the answer is always the former. 

3. Thou shalt not send a text between the hours of 2 a.m. and 10 a.m.

If you haven’t arranged a sexual tryst by this time in the night, then chances are thou shalt not be receiving any booty this evening.  

4. Thou shalt not reply instantaneously to a text 

You may keep your cell phone perpetually by your side, eagerly awaiting its fateful chime to confirm that someone out there desires to contact you, but there’s no need to let everyone know, Eager Beaver. 

5. Thou shalt not send a text to an unintended receiver

Unless you want your grandmother to know you left your undergarments on a stranger’s bedroom floor last night, be sure you always have the correct receiver before you send a message. 

6. Thou shalt not use “u” and “r” instead of “you” and “are” 

Unless u r a tragically unhip parent or a white urban youth struggling to cultivate some street credibility, take the time to spell out ur words, alright? 

7. Thou shalt not reply to a text with “k”

There is no more efficient way to virtually rip a person’s still-beating heart out of his or her chest than replying to a message solely with this cold, callous letter. 

8. Thou shalt not use excessive emoticons 

You may be sad that your love interest is busy tonight ☹ and happy that you’ll still see him or her in class on Monday ☺ but unless your love interest still colors by number and enjoys Sesame Street, there is no need to spell all your emotions out for him or her. 

9. Thou shalt not use excessive punctuation 

Again, you may be excited that your love interest finally agreed to hang out with you!!!!!!!!!! but one exclamation mark should effectively convey your euphoria. 

10. Thou shalt not teach one’s parents how to text

Don't. Just don’t do it.