I’m going to finally make it known: I don’t trust people with Pinterest accounts. Really, it’s nothing more than a giant cybernetic bulletin board for people to ‘pin’ things they find pretty, or interesting, or inspirational. As the site explains, people can utilize this ‘virtual pinboard’ in order to ‘pin’ about any number of things, from wedding plans, to home decor, to favorite recipes. Coincidentally, viewing and trading bouquet arrangements, fabric swatches, and quiche recipes with strangers sound like activities that would take place in my own personal ninth circle of Dante’s inferno. The things that other people find pretty, interesting, or inspirational I literally could not care less about. And why people feel the need to broadcast their many interests to the virtual world is something I simply cannot understand. 

Pinterest can allow someone to create an entirely fabricated identity. By posting black-and-white pictures of eyes and train tracks, I can proclaim to the world just how *~aRtSy~* I am. By posting work out and diet tips, I can adopt the identity of a fitness maharishi. However, what is even more perilous than the tweens posting sepia-toned pictures of daisies in a field and cute crop tops are the people who believe Pinterest can change their lives. By making their Pinterest board into a ‘vision board,’ users can post images that inspire them, such as rippling abdominal muscles or Jimmy Choo pumps. Like a virtual manifestation of The Secret for teeny-boppers and stay-at-home moms, one is able to amass this collection of images that embody the life they wish they had, hoping that by putting them on display to the world, these images will become a reality, when really they will just remain as far-fetched and hopelessly unattainable.

Any site that I have to request an invitation to I loathe by default (Pottermore, anyone?) but a site that requires an invite simply so that its users can share their favorite brownie recipes with their twelve followers is just beyond me. I don’t want to see your latest Pinterest updates on my Facebook or Twitter newsfeeds. I don’t want to see the table arrangement you picked out for your upcoming wedding or the throw pillows you might purchase for your guest bedroom. My advice to Pinterest users: buy a craft store bulletin board, set it up in your bedroom, and pin all your inspirational quotes and pretty images to it so that your friends can come over for private viewing parties and you can all sigh together over the things you wish you could attain in life. 

And I, no offense, will not be in attendance.