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Twitter, an outlet for anyone to express his or her most perspicacious thoughts and musings in 140 characters or less. Though social networking addicts everywhere attempt to encapsulate their most prized and precious contemplations and deliver them to their loyal followers, the preponderance of tweets end up having the profundity of a bale of hay. Unless you want to be able to count your Twitter followers on one hand, here are a few tweets you may want to avoid composing:
Announce how many midterms/finals are left between you and your next school break
Declare how you can’t wait to start ingesting illicit substances later on Thursday/Friday/Saturday afternoon
Hashtag the word “rage” in any context
Quote song lyrics that seem vaguely relevant to you life
Passive-aggressively call out some bro or hoe who is all up in your business
Talk about how uninteresting the class you’re sitting in is
Announce how many pages you have left to complete in your paper
Live-Tweet about a sporting event you are watching
Talk about how fond you are of your significant other
Plot your schedule for the day
Hashtag the word “blessed” in any context
Quote anything even vaguely philosophical or theological
Talk about how much you miss the significant other who recently broke up with you
Declare how wasted you are on Thursday/Friday/Saturday night
Talk about how fond you are of your roommates
Passive-aggressively call out some bro or hoe who is all up in your friend’s business
Hashtag the word “swag” in any context
Announce how many/few hours of sleep you got last night
Live-Tweet about the television show you are watching
Quote anything from a Nicholas Sparks’ book that was adapted into a movie
Announce how many hours you have left of work/classes
Use the acronym YOLO. Ever.
Talk about how much you despise your roommates
Mention the song ‘Call Me Maybe’ in any context, unless you are declaring your disdain for it
Announce how many hours you spent at the gym
Declare how hungover you are on Friday/Saturday/Sunday morning
Before letting those 140 characters loose into cyber world, just be sure to take a minute and think: do any of my 37 followers really give a rat’s ass that I just pulled an all-nighter to write my art history paper? If the answer is no, then please, spare us. Some things—in fact, most things—are better left unsaid.
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