Time to bust out your bucket list folks because it's due for some revisions.  Archaeologist William Saturno, from Boston University, and his team of researchers uncovered a sprawling Mayan mural in the ancient city of Xultun. The painting depicts a king and his followers, one of whom is believed to be a scribe, men who were tasked with time-keeping for the Mayan civilization; on the other side were complex hieroglyphics.  These markings, Saturno realized, were a calendar.

Image Courtesy of Discovery News

"The Mayan calendar is going to keep going for billions, trillions, octillions of years into the future," said University of Texas archaeologist David Stuart.  He assisted in deciphering the glyphs on the wall.  "Numbers we can't even wrap our heads around."

Mayans kept calendars in 400 year cycles, called baktuns.  These cycles are what lead to the theories of an apocalypse on December 21, 2012; a 13-baktuns cycle ends specifically on that day.  Experts have known that the calendar (and time) simply does not end that date, rather a new baktun begins.  In essence, the world is not ending this year.

Clearly, the guy who was working on the "apocalypse" calendar was a lazy college student with a bad case of senioritis.  He was probably sitting there, sipping some booze and puffing on some crazy Mayan cheeba, sketching up the calendar and got bored.  There were defintely mad Mayan honeys running around his cave and he decided "screw it, I'm ditching this lame time-keeping poppycock and chasing after some strange, ancient ass."  Just like that, dude left us with this wacky prophecy about the world ending.  All homie wanted was to get his tip wet and instead scared the bag out of dumb, gullible people hundreds of years later.

Not that I didn't have a plan in case some ish went down: whacking golf balls off a skyscraper right until the world ended.  And recently, I added a four-way with Kate Upton and the Iglesias-Ramos duo.  I would die the happiest man.