Ranch dressing afficionados Hidden Valley are gunning for America's number one condiment spot-one that is currently held by reigning champion, ketchup. Hidden Valley has just launched a campaign called "Ranch for everything," in hopes of becoming the most popular condiment in America.

With the new campaign, Hidden Valley "hopes to be as ubiquitous as ketchup on restaurant tables and in consumers' kitchens," says Jon Balousek, head of food, charcoal and cat-litter (yes, really) at Hidden Valley owner, Clorox. The labels even go as far as calling ranch, the "new ketchup."

First of all, Hidden Valley, all you are going to accompish by this new initiative is increasing the obesity rate in the country. Second of all, ranch will never be ketchup. Or even barbeque sauce for that matter. So leave my true love, ketchup out of this and stick to what you do best, making fat people want to eat salad.