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Let's be honest, it never hurts to have a little more dating advice. And all too often it comes from male and female "experts" who, in fact, rarely maintain relationships of their own. For once, why not hear some tips that are actually true and realistic?
This all spawns off some Yahoo article I read last week about what guys look for in a girlfriend. I still don't get why I check Yahoo every day; literally, the writers are the least talented ass-hats since Michael Bolton and their commenters are, without a doubt, the very bottom scum of the scummy barrel that rednecks spew tobacco juice into. However, I digress. The guys interviewed gave some of the most fruitless and uneventful advice I've ever heard. Allow me to retort with some solid and necessary tips to thoroughly enjoy your love life.
1. Money isn't everything - Lots of guys are under the impression that in order to make a girl fall in love, they need to dote on them financially. Honestly, in the beginning this is understandable and sensible; you want her to know you're reliable and ready to take care of her. But moving deeper into the relationship, things should start alternating in terms of who ponies up the cake for the night. Without this change, you're going to be one miserable motherfucker. So man up, find your voice and voice the issue. If she freaks out, then she's a beyotch and not worth your time or money. Problem solved.
2. Show some emotion - Most girls understand that guys don't discuss feelings. We just do not share our thoughts or emotions on anything remotely substantial, besides "We should watch Saving Private Ryan cause it's educational, babes" or "Uh, less teeth would be better." And we hate, let me stress hate, when girls try to squeeze it out of us. So dudes, do yourself a favor and share just a little something, any minute problem you experienced during your week. Make sure it's slightly legit and your girlfriend will go apeshit (that's good apeshit) because you shared your feelings for once. Best advice ever: endure The Notebook; every girl loves it, it's not that horrible and you'll score major points for saying how sad the ending is.
3. Keep things spicy - Sometimes the sex life fizzles and it's on both parties to reignite the flame. Guys, I know it's hard to admit to yourself but you know there are times where you're bored with sex and want it to spice up. First off, do not base it off of porn cause that shit is fake as fuck. Seriously, just try to do anything porn-like and see how turned off you are after the first five minutes (get this memo: girls do not have the bottomless throat of Sasha Grey). But be creative; things like randomly timed advances, sneaking around public places and a willingness to try new things will breathe fresh air into your relationship. Also, stop jerking off all the time; seriously murders your libido you forever alone, PornHub-addicted, "my right hand is a gift from God so I'll name it Jill" bastard.
There you have it, some quick and helpful tips to a healthy relationship. Although they involve work and effort, dating someone should also be super fun and enjoyable. If you're unhappy, remedy that shit or chuck up the deuces because no one likes a Debbie Downer.
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