Greetings my skinnies. Did you lose weight? Stop that, eat something, would you? I know your weekend starts on Thursday, so it’s important to get a base layer of grub in the tank before you start polluting yourself with delicious poisons that ultimately, will have us meet our end, and in the short term can lead to magnificent episodes of supple boobs and senseless destruction to be reflectively retold as heroes the next day or for the next several months. Let me help you sink into that affair by directing you to a good spot for that alcohol sponge we call food: Right up until 7 pm, you can hit up the Happy Hour at Maiko. It’s already on 6th street between Lavaca and Guadalupe, and they have $3 drafts. If I like their selection, you should certainly be content. I ate like a fat kid eats bacon-cake and got out of there for $15. Of note-the pork sliders and the calamari are totes tasty and as cheap as that menu gets. You might even do better if you aren’t a fat kid and serial big-tipper like me.

After that, keep your Thursday chipper and check out “The Encyclopedia Show,” a show that only a city like Austin can produce. Every month a new topic is declared, and a cast of regulars and featured contributors expounds on all things topical. This month will be an hilarious and in depth look at Civil Wars. To give you more of an idea about this, I once contributed to one episode with the topic of “Explosives” where the segments ranged from the decades old expression “Da Bomb” to the volcano Krakatoa, to the Large Hadron Collider. It’s a stimulating and laugh filled show, so don’t turn off your noodle quite yet. You can score $3 Shiners while you’re watching, and tickets are only $6. Mike Graupmann and Ralphie Hardesty host with “the dulcet tones” of The Volumes. Doors promptly at 7:30 pm, show begins at 8:13 pm inside the spacious ND@501 Studios on 501 Brushy St.

I am creating for you an unstoppable and legendary Thursday night where you will definitely make out with the human of your dreams. Follow this all up with nearby East Side Show Room (1100 E 6th St) where you will no longer car about how much money you are spending and look wantonly at your bank balance the next day in awe at how much whiskey you drank and question your decision to buy a round of Sazeracs for eight from the savvy bartenders. The main reason to be here is to see some excellent jazz jamming by the East Side Dandies, hot jazz with a banjo, an upright bass, a trumpet, a clarinet and a special guest. And if this is not your jam, go next door to Shangri-La and play Mortal Kombat II and drink a tall PBR!