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Hey all you cry babies, non-believers, and straight up fair weather fans, suck on this: the Boston Red Sox went 3-3 during a week which they played all 6 games against the two best teams in the American League!
How can you completely count this team out when, going into August, they are only 4 games out of the Wild Card race holding a .500 record with all of their various injuries throughout the year? Did anybody pay attention to the World Series winner last year, the St. Louis Cardinals? They won the Wild Card and won the World Series.
Speaking of St. Louis, here is a better example: the 2006 Cardinals had a goddamn 82-80 record and they still won the World Series (2 games over .500 for those off you whose math skills are dusty). And how the @#$% did you forget about those 2004 Red Sox? How’d they win the World Series? Answer: oh, right, they won the Wild Card.
Jeez, guys, bear with me here. It’s a tough season for all of us. Don’t give up because you read some shitty article in the local paper about how things were crumbling in Boston – they’re not. Yeah, our pitching sucks, but how much worse can it possibly be in all seriousness? Why not enjoy the lower ticket prices and lesser demand to see a baseball game instead of cry, bitch and complain?
Here are this week’s player awards, homeskillets.
Best Hitter: Third basemen Will Middlebrooks looks better and better playing for the Red Sox every day; more accustomed to the pressure accumulated grossly by the media and strewn down upon one of the most storied franchises in MLB history.
Best Pitcher: Lefty Felix Doubront didn’t fare so well against Texas, but he kept us in the game and pitched very well against the Yankees days later. He should of gotten the win Sunday night, and he's been a much-needed pleasant surprise to this team.
Biggest Surprise: Salty’s out of his slump! Hooray for Jarrod Saltalamacchia! I KNEW he wasn’t trying to give up his starting catcher role to Choppy Shoppy.
Biggest Disappointment: Where are you hiding Mr. (real) Jon Lester? Where is the dominating pitcher we used to know?
Unsung Hero: Dustin Pedroia seems like he’s back to form, starting off the series against Texas with a 3-hit game. He just looks way more comfortable at the plate now that he’s taken some time off – and for all you fantasy baseball junkies: expect this guy to finish hitting close to .300.
Biggest Bum: @#$%^&* Carl Crawford. Man oh man. This guy is the epitome of an overpaid bum, and it doesn’t help his marketability if we want to trade him that senile Bobby Valentine is openly questioning Carl’s need for surgery when he inevitably gets hurt.
Injuries: Who knows WTF is up with Carl; who cares, frankly. Maybe we should just try to work Scott Podsednik back into the lineup when he returns from his groin injury. First and foremost, though, we need our slugger Big Papi David Ortiz back.
Coming Up: We fared alright against the two biggest offensive powerhouses in the American League, going 1-2 and 2-1 against each team, so I’m hoping this week we can take a few from the initially subpar Detroit Tigers and the bottom-of-the-barrel Minnesota Twins.
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