Bobby Valentine – WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THE CLUBHOUSE BRO? More importantly, what’s up with the bullpen collapse? What in God’s name are you doing tipping your cap to the crowd when they’re booing you? 

After going 0-5 this week (with an astounding 4-10 record on the season), I’m going to say that if there isn’t some kind of positive turnaround in both team performance and attitude for the Red Sox by May 1st, then we NEED NEED NEED to fire Bobby V. Get him the hell out of here! I’m even going to create a Facebook group!

Losing 1-0 and 18-3, blowing nine run leads with a substandard bullpen (giving up 14 runs in 3 innings during the Fenway Park 100th anniversary game against the New York Yankees), and GIVING UP FIVE HOME RUNS IN TWO SEPARATE GAMES?!? Where does the list of atrocities end, if it in fact ever does? Yesterday’s rainout hopefully is going to wake our Red Sox up, if not… 

Something needs to get shaken up, immediately. The pitching (at least the starting pitching) should be good, yet somehow when all the rest of the starters show promise, Jon Lester goes out and gets shelled. It’s certainly going to be hard to dig out of the bottom of the American League East for the Red Sox at 4-10, but it’s not something they haven’t done before.

Here are the Red Sox weekly player awards – and nobody gets a gold medal after this terrible week. 

Best Hitter: Thank you to Big Papi David Ortiz for actually showing up this year. He’s been one of the few consistent Sox players this year, swinging a hot bat all season long and now hitting .436 after going 4-4 against the Yankees on Saturday. 

Best Pitcher: Felix FUCKING Doubront. Who? Yeah, Felix Doubront pitched a great game against the Yankees on Saturday during Fenway’s 100th anniversary game (6 innings, 1 earned run, 7 strikeouts), only to get a no decision because our inept bullpen let the Pinstripes come back.

Biggest Surprise: Jon Lester pitched horribly (not something he normally does), giving up seven runs in two innings against the highly potent Texas Rangers offense on Tuesday.

Biggest Disappointment: Alfredo Aceves – whose ERA is now 24.00 after giving up 5 earned runs to the Yankees on Saturday in 0.0 innings pitched. Ouch. This guy is supposed to be our closer? Oh, I can’t forget to mention Vicente Padilla! He gave up 5 runs Saturday also. 

Unsung Hero: Shortstop Mike Aviles, who has been hitting the ball well at the leadoff spot since Jacoby Ellsbury has gotten hurt (he had two hits in both games against the Yankees). Cody Ross deserves a shout out here, too – the guy plays every position for us and is probably playing better than Carl Crawford would be. 

Injuries: The injuries to Jacoby Ellsbury and Carl Crawford limit the trade potential of the Red Sox. Not that I’d ever want to see Ellsbury go, but we certainly need more pitching – and any team who will take Crawford’s contract off our backs would be doing us a huge favor. 

Biggest Bum: Bobby Valentine. Go back to the broadcast booth, bro. We don’t want you, your negative body language, your childishly broad interview statements, and your even worse managing capabilities. 

Coming Up: An American League Central-filled road trip, with three at the Twins starting tonight and four at the 9-6 White Sox to round out the week. Hopefully, our Red Sox can take advantage of Minnesota’s unfortunate 5-11 record (still better than ours) and scrounge out a few wins against the ChiSox.