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In an attempt to be cool again (was he ever really though?), Sean "P.Diddy/Puff Daddy/Puffy/Puff/Diddy" Combs is changing his name for the millionth time. As if that weren't douchey enough, he will now go by "Swag". To make it even MORE douchey, he will only go by the name for a week. Yes, this dick is trying to get people to call him "Swag" for one week.
Wow Puff, you've really out douched yourself this time. I'm impressed. Here are 6 reasons I will not be calling Puff Daddy "Swag" this week, or ever.
1) You can't come up with your own nick name. That isn't how nick names work.
2) Nick names aren't about being cool. Nick names are supposed to be embarrassing or funny, like "poop dick" or "Egg Jones".
3) I'm not certain what the acceptable number of name changes is, but I'm certain Puff Daddy has passed it. I propose the limit be 3. Only in extreme cases should one reach 3. Any name change past the 3rd should be ignored, and individuals should revert to calling said person by either a) their original name, or b) something insulting.
4) I won't be talking about Puff Daddy in the first place. If this week goes like most other weeks of my life, Puff Daddy will not come up in conversation. Therefore, I do not need to know that he is changing his name for a week, because he does not hold enough precedence to come up in weekly, or even monthly discussions.
5) Because Puff Daddy is not the boss of me. Puff Daddy is getting out of control, and we the people, need to draw the line. If your best friend, sibling, lab partner, or ANYONE told you to call them "Swag" for the week, you would laugh their ass back to 2007, because it as a laughable request.
6) I simply cannot take anyone who wears a scarf with a t-shirt seriously. Especially inside. I'm not even gonna touch on the sunglasses.
So no Puff Daddy, I will not be calling you Swag, because you are an ass hat, and I'm pretty sure strawberry shortcake filled sausage fests, are the antithesis of swag.
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