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I've been reading your Sumo column and have a question for you.
There's a guy in my chem study group that I really like. He's not my usual type - he's quiet and kind of nerdy but is really funny. I've spent weeks trying to get closer to him. I think he's interested in me too but Valentine's Day has come and gone with nothing. I've asked around and he doesn't have a girlfriend. Everyone says he's really nice but shy. I don't want to scare him off but I feel like I could be waiting around forever if I wait for him to make the first move. We don't hang out with the same people and I never see him out and about.
Valentine's Day Letdown
Dear Valentine's Day Letdown,
There are three things that are possibly going on here.
1. The guy is just shy, as you say.
2. The guy isn't interested.
3. The guy is oblivious.
Or, likely, some combination of the three.
First, I wouldn't use the no-Valentine's-Day-gesture as proof that he's not interested or as proof that he's not going to make a move. Girls tend to bank on Valentine's Day and think that it will be the tell-all about how someone feels about you. Guys just see pink hearts everywhere and hate the day.
So heres your choices.
1. Suck it up and wait for him to finally get the hint and ask you out, or 2. Just grow a pair and ask him. Why not? you're into him, you want it, go for it. Worst he can say is no, then you just move on. No more waiting, wondering or worrying. Just say, "What are you doing this Friday? Want to go to dinner/ see a movie/ grab a drink/ go bowling?"
It is just that simple. More than likely he will say yes, and if not, well there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Too nervous to go solo? Ask a couple of your friends to go on a group date on Friday. "Hey a bunch of us are going to XYZ this Friday, want to join us?"
At the end of the day, if you want to do something right, then do it yourself.
Alessandra Siraco, Sumo in Residence
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